I’ve got my first post-surgery CT scan coming up soon and, honestly, I’m a bit nervous. Not because of the scan itself; it’s a quick and painless enough procedure, though the blood work is annoying. So far I haven’t had any serious complications, but I can’t help worrying: what if they find something?
I know it’s better to find anything bad as early as possible. I know the odds are in my favor and that they probably won’t find anything, and even if they do, chances are they’ll be able to fix it. But then I picture the tech’s face going carefully still, the way they do when they see something’s wrong. I imagine my cardiologist calling me in to give me the bad news: I need another surgery. I remember all the old pains and fears and uncertainties of the first operation, and I feel a sickening knot forming in my stomach. I think, “I can’t do this. I can’t.”
I don’t want heart surgery again. I don’t want any surgery, ever, if I can help it. Once was enough, thanks.
Stressing about it won’t help, though. I just have to keep my chin up and stay optimistic and remember all those great tips about dealing with fear I wrote about in my last post. Like Alice in Wonderland, I gave very good advice — now I just need to remember to follow it myself.
I am strong. I survived once, and if I need to, I can do it again. I’ve got this.
Ever worry about getting bad results on a medical test? What did you do to stay sane while you waited? Share below in the comments!